The Bickersons
by DualWielding
Summary: Kurt and Blaine have dissenting opinions. "Mine's bigger." "In your dreams." ONESHOT. PWP.


**A/N**: Future!fic. Title comes from an old comedy duo.

**Rated**: NC-17. This means you.

**Warnings**: Boy love and stupid arguments– er, mature discussions.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. Yet.

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><p><strong>The Bickersons<strong>

"Mine's bigger," Kurt stated decisively, his tone brooking no argument as strong hands tightened their grip, bruising his tender flesh.

"In your dreams," Blaine retorted, clearly having not received the 'no brooking' memo. He held the slim hips firmly so he could sink between them.

Kurt gasped and bent farther, flattening his hands on the wall and pushing back against his lover. "You're the dreamer," he groaned. "I observe and report facts."

Fully seated in his boyfriend, Blaine took a moment to simply feel. No matter how many times they did this, it was always brilliant. "You observe." Blaine pulled back slowly, watching the pink bud clench around him, trying to hold him in. "So, this patently false claim is based on a few hasty glances?"

"Hasty!" Kurt cried, then moaned, impaled again. "I've taken plenty of good, long looks – and enjoyed them thoroughly, by the way." His eyes closed and head drooped down between his outstretched arms. "I could describe every detail."

"Still, it's not like we've laid them side by side just for comparison. Spread your legs a bit more," said Blaine. His torso leaned back while his hips thrust forward, giving him a killer view.

Feet heel-toed farther apart. "That sounds fun. Mmm, yes," Kurt encouraged. "Laying them out together, I mean, but not necessary. I'm well acquainted with both and, hard as it may be for you to swallow, the evidence speaks for itself."

"We both know I love to swallow," Blaine replied, pumping steadily. "But, I've done my share of getting acquainted too." His hips slapped against Kurt's cheeks to accentuate his point. "Yours is impressive – I get plenty of enjoyment out of it – it just happens to be slightly smaller than my own."

"Ha! Enjoyment," Kurt said between thrusts. "You love it. Don't pretend you don't."

"I admit it. I love you and everything you've got." Blaine slowed again and sent his hands roaming. Fingers soothed the delicate skin they'd bruised and slid up the long back stretched out before him, kneading skillfully until his boyfriend sighed his name.

Kurt relaxed into the touch and the gentle, rhythmic in and out, losing the thread of their argument briefly before snapping out of the trance Blaine was sending him into. "I love yours too," he responded at last. "I could play with it all night. Size doesn't even matter, really. But, size is what's under discussion and it is what it is."

"Not that I agree with you for a second – because you're wrong – but it could still get bigger," Blaine huffed and slammed forward in a punishing move.

"Ah! So good. You know I love you, Blaine. But I think if it was going to get bigger, it would have happened by now."

"I'm still young. You don't know what might happen." His hands were on Kurt's hips again, holding them steady while his head tipped back and he panted, open-mouthed.

"You're a grown man with responsibilities. A full load of classes, a job that runs you ragged, and you still manage to keep me satisfied. Hard as you want, love. Don't go easy on me."

A rush of lust swept through him and a low sound rumbled from somewhere deep inside Blaine's chest. He took Kurt at his word, grabbing him and pulling him upright, shoving him toward the wall to drive into him roughly.

Kurt cried out and braced himself against the brutal pounding, letting his control slip away, giving everything to the powerful man pressed against him and the rigid shaft slamming hard and fast into his body. Blaine's hot breath fanned his neck and his arms were tight around Kurt, hands clenched possessively over his chest, pulling harshly as though trying to meld them together.

"Fuck! Fuck!" Blaine swore violently, pushing Kurt harder against the wall and using every ounce of strength to shove into his willing body, claiming him. Taking Kurt and giving himself in exchange. He bent at the knees, just enough to get at him from a new angle, thighs straining with effort, and felt a rush of pride when his lover emitted a choked scream and his come streaked across the wall. Blaine felt it splattering his hands as Kurt's ass clamped down tight and he followed, ramming in again to empty himself deep inside.

**xxxxxXxxxxx**

"Blaine," Kurt's soft voice tingled through him and his arms tightened fractionally in response. His boyfriend's back was pressed to his chest again while the steamy bath eased their taut muscles.

"What is it, love?" Blaine kissed his temple and picked up a sponge to rub in circles over slick, creamy skin.

"After our bath, we should settle our disagreement. So we don't worry about it later," Kurt explained.

A grin pulled at the corners of Blaine's mouth. "You're not going to let this go, are you? It will keep you up at night, wondering."

Kurt smiled, shifting against the hard, slippery body beneath him. He turned his head on Blaine's shoulder to plant little kisses under his chin. "I just can't bear the thought of you living a lie."

Blaine rolled his lover over to face him, their bodies sliding together sinuously in the sudsy bath. "We'll see who's deluding himself," he said, once he'd gotten a proper kiss.

"Don't take it personally, sweetheart. It started growing when I was young and it just wouldn't stop. None of my friends in school had anything like it. You're the only one who even comes close." Kurt patted him comfortingly.

"That's it." Blaine smacked a bright, shiny cheek peeking out of the water. "Let's go into the bedroom and get this cleared up."

**xxxxxXxxxxx**

"You had help. There's no other explanation." Blaine scowled down at the bed.

Kurt laughed, twirling a bonnet between his fingers. "I began collecting at the tender age of six."

"Six! You're a cheat. I couldn't start building my _Sound of Music_ collection until I got an allowance when I was ten."

"The Maria bonnet was only the beginning, as you can see. I was a faithful collector from that point on."

Blaine cast a dark glare over his boyfriend's smug face. "I'm getting on e-bay right now," he threatened.

"Oh, now there's no need for that. This contest has been decided. Try to accept defeat gracefully." Kurt gave him a shit-eating grin.

"No." Blaine's look turned predatory, his eyes roaming the length of Kurt's body, stretched sideways across their bed amidst a jumble of memorabilia. "I demand a consolation prize."

Kurt almost squealed with delight before catching himself. "That seems reasonable," he said instead. "What did you have in mind?" he managed to ask without sounding too eager.

"Let's pack our joint collection back into these boxes and I'll show you."

"Joint collec-!" Kurt's outburst sputtered to a halt as Blaine began to remove the shirt he'd put on before they went rummaging through the closet.

_Compromises are important in a loving, healthy relationship_, Kurt reminded himself, watching the fabric slide up to reveal firm, rippling abs.

He pulled the shirt over his head slowly, letting it muss his damp curls along the way before he dropped it at his feet. "What was that, baby?" Blaine asked, letting his hands hover near the waistband of his low-slung jeans and trailing a fingertip lightly through the dark arrow of hair.

"Nothing," Kurt replied breathily. "Are those button fly? Do you need help with that?"

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><p><strong>End<strong>

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><p><strong>AN**: Klaine makes bickering look fun!

The story behind the title is, when I was little, my dad had a collection of old comedy LPs he'd play on this big antique radio/record player.

I don't remember much about the Bickersons, but the idea for Klaine to bicker over something silly popped into my head the other day. So, I decided they should have sex while arguing. Because they should always have sex. Obviously. ;)


End file.
